TAKEDA NO KATSUMI Tales of the Heike: The Death of Tomoe Gozen Part IV Kuraki yori Kuraki michi ni zo Irinubeki Haruka ni terase Yama no ha no tsuki Out of the dark Into a dark path I now must enter: Shine on me from afar, Moon of the mountain fringe! -Izumi Shikibu Shimotsuke, Japan 1189 A.D. ............................... The two of you dig a hole in which to bury Mikatama no Genji. You notice that Tomoe's sleeve is sliced open, apparently as close as Genji's blade came to her body. Genji's head lies next to his body, his eyes wide and surprised. The only wound evident on his body is the one that removed his head. "Take his sword," Tomoe urges. She looks down at the fallen samurai. "His armor is very expensive, but I dislike battlefield scavengers, so I would prefer to bury him with his possessions. He forfeited his sword when he lost his head, however, and his blade is much finer than the one you are carrying." She looks up at Genji's mount, which is cropping grass calmly, a few yards away. "And we have another horse to sell, at the next town." ..... Tomoe has to lend you an extra blouse, since your old one is sliced open in several places, and blood-stained. Your hakama is also blood- stained, but more easily washed. As the two of you continue riding in the direction you had been heading before Genji intercepted you, you notice that, inexplicably, Tomoe seems more relaxed than she has the entire time you've known her. (Which, granted, is less than two days.) She almost seems happy. And she also speaks more....in fact, she has many questions for you. "What else do you know about...your kind?" "Who told you all these things? This eight-hundred year-old immortal...why did he not take your head? Or conversely, teach you?" "Why were you so adamant that I should not fight Mikatama-San? What are these rules you mentioned?" "How do you sense one another? How many of you are there?" "I see that all your wounds healed magically...is that the case for any wound you receive, except decapitation?" "Are the gods....Ametarasu no Omikami, Susano-o, Hachiman, all the other great kami...merely immortals?" This seems to trouble her. "What about the Emperor?" [She does not actually ask all those questions at once. They come during the course of your travel....] <><><><><> Katsumi insists upon doing most of the work involved in burying Mikatama no Genji. After carefully examining his katana and testing its balance, she decides to take Tomoes advice and keep it, interring her old one with his corpse. It somehow doesnt seem right to leave him without a sword. The change in Tomoes demeanor as they continue their travels is welcome, and Katsumi believes that she may understand the cause. Since she parted ways with Fujiwara Kazumaru, Katsumi had wandered aimlessly, her only goal seemingly unreachable. Now that Tomoe has offered to train her, she has a purpose, and her own mood is much lighter. It may be that she has given Tomoe such a purpose, as well. She answers Tomoes questions as best she can, although she is acutely aware of how limited her own knowledge is. "All that I know, I was told by Fujiwara Kazumaru, a powerful servant of Fujiwara Yasuhira. He said that it is not considered honorable to take a newborn immortals head, and implied that is the responsibility of the first immortal to encounter such a one to tell them of what they are, and train them so that they have a chance of survival. He was going to take such time as he could spare to train me, but I could not accept such an offer from one who owed allegiance the betrayer of my lord." The next question is just a bit trickier. "Mikatama no Genji pursued us only because I am an immortal. I could not allow you to risk injury or death in a fight that was entirely my responsibility, Tomoe, even if it meant my death." "I was told of three rules that must be obeyed. We must never fight on consecrated ground, although I am not certain whether that applies to all adversaries or only to other immortals. A challenge to another immortal must be made face-to-face; no ambushes are allowed. Finally, once two immortals have entered combat, no one may interfere. I cannot take another immortals head while he is suffering from wounds that I did not inflict myself. The penalty for violating these rules is to be hunted without mercy by every other immortal" Katsumi trails off at this point, still uncertain as to whether this now applies to her. "I can feel a buzzing sensation in my head and along my spine when there is another immortal nearby. According to Kazumaru, he knew of only three other immortals in Nippon besides the two of us. Unless Mikatama no Genji was not using his true name, he was not one of the three, so it is possible that there are others. We are rare, though. Kazumaru guessed that perhaps one person in each generation may become immortal." "I am not certain of how my wounds heal. Every serious injury I have suffered recently has been immediately followed by my death." She smiles grimly at that. "I have noticed that minor injuries, such as abrasions and bruises, seem to heal quickly. I am not certain whether worse injuries will heal equally quickly, or whether that occurs only after I am dead." "Kazumaru said that he had met an immortal who claimed to be Hachiman, but I do not believe that the gods are merely immortals. The gods, and the kami, are greater beings than we are. We are simply humans with unusually strong ki." "I honestly do not know about the Emperor, Tomoe." Finally, she has a question for Tomoe. "How do we die, Tomoe? Did Genji die as a normal man does?" <><><><><> [GM] "Fujiwara Kazumaru....I have heard of him," she says. And rides silently for a while, thinking. "Eight hundred years old...he must be very good indeed." ..... Tomoe blinks. "Yes, he died like every other man I have decapitated. I would never have guessed he was not like every other man, except for his skill. Did you expect something different?" ..... Tomoe seems satisfied with your answers, and hardly mentions your immortality during the rest of the time you spend with her. She is a demanding teacher...more demanding than any you've ever known before. And beyond a doubt, her sword skills are without equal. She is also a master of the naginata and the spear, and can wield a knife with deadly accuracy as well. You know she is trained in the bow, and have no doubt she is probably as deadly with that weapon as she is with all others, but you never see her use one. She's also quite adept at atemi-waza, but de-emphasizes that part of your training. As you will be trying to decapitate your opponents, while avoiding the same fate, it is the katana that will be your most important weapon, and she drills you in swordsmanship, day and night, relentlessly. Tomoe is stronger than any woman you've ever met, and stronger than most men, save perhaps Benkei. And she is faster than ANYONE you've ever met. Even Yoshitsune, who until now you would have considered the finest swordsman in Nippon, must now take an honorable second place in your memory. Yoshitsune was superb. He was peerless. He was a living legend. Tomoe is better. You thought that Mikatama no Genji humbled you, but Tomoe gradually wears down your reluctance and persuades you to train by actually trying to hit her, with full-strength blows, wielding a naked sword. Soon you realize why she does not regard this as dangerous; she could parry your best attacks in her sleep. She also wields live steel, but you're in no more danger than she is, also due to her skill. She has such control over her blade, she can bring it hissing towards your neck in a lethal arc, with enough power to take your head off until the very last moment...and only then does she bring her sword to a halt, the edge just barely brushing the skin of your throat. She sees for herself how rapidly you heal, but only because of the bruises and abrasions you suffer when losing your balance, or a couple times when you manage to nick yourself. She never cuts you herself. While demanding, she is in many ways a gentle teacher also. She drives you to the limits of your endurance, and drills you relentlessly, but she refuses to strike you, or berate you when you are slow, or clumsy, or just screw up. She just makes you do it over. She watches silently when you try to take "shortcuts" in your techniques, makes no comment when you are lagging because of fatigue. Those quiet, expressionless stares of hers do more to motivate you to improve than any harsh words or brutal physical retaliation. As Yoshitsune, Kazumaru, and Tomoe predicted, Minamoto Yoritomo invades the northern provinces in only a few weeks. The Fujiwara are finally brought to heel, and Yasuhira receives his just reward, as his head is taken to Kamakura, to decorate Yoritomo's palace. You and Tomoe make your way to the western provinces, where you do indeed find a somewhat greater degree of autonomy....though not as great as you had hoped. It is well-known how Yoritomo obsessively hunted down Yoshitsune and all his retainers, and a few other former vassals who displeased him, and other opponents. Yoritomo will retaliate against even imagined slights or hints of rebellion with an invading army, and no one dares risk his wrath, so even the independent western warlords make public declarations of fealty to Yoritomo, and are careful to do nothing that might give any appearance otherwise. Tomoe and you are able to live for quite a while on the money from the horses you've sold. You mostly live off the land, sometimes supplementing your income with jobs escorting traveling merchants. You spend three years studying under Tomoe, and are both elated and humbled by your advancement...the groundwork is laid for you to implement everything she's taught you, techniques you never bothered to learn before (or never had the opportunity to learn), refinements in everything from how you hold your sword to how you carry it while walking, a thousand cuts in the exact same manner until you've mastered an attack from every angle, against every body part, and also how to parry those atttacks. And yet, Tomoe can still dance her sword effortlessly around yours. You wonder if even eight hundred years will make you her equal. Late one winter, news reaches even your remote retreat in Izumo that the Emperor has proclaimed Minamoto Yoritomo Shogun. This act formalizes what was already a reality known to all; Yoritomo is now the true ruler of Nippon. The true seat of government is Kamakura, and the Emperor's court in Kyoto is almost openly acknowledged to be a mere puppet show. <><><><><> >>"Fujiwara Kazumaru....I have heard of him," she says. And rides silently for a while, thinking. "Eight hundred years old...he must be very good indeed."<< Katsumi gives Tomoe a worried glance, wondering whether she might be considering one day testing herself against Kazumaru. ..... >>"Did you expect something different?"<< "Not really," replies Katsumi. "I was not certain, though." ..... With the exception of the year that she spent with Yoshitsune before he was declared an outlaw, the three years with Tomoe are the happiest in Katsumi's life. She knows that she could not have asked for a finer teacher, or a better friend. On those rare occasions when she is tempted to complain or quit, all she has to do is remember her fight with Mikatama no Genji, or simply pause and watch Tomoe's flawless technique, which still fills her with wonder and envy. She silently vows that, one day, she will be as skilled as her sensei. The katana that she took from Genji's body literally becomes a part of her, and she keeps it paired always with the wakizashi given to her by Fujiwara Kazumaru, which now serves to symbolize her debt to him. Often, she wonders what has become of Kazumaru, now that the Fujiwara clan has been crushed by Yoritomo. Although it is a mere formality, the news that Yoritomo has been granted the title of Shogun drives Katsumi into a severe depression. She has never forgotten her determination to see him pay for his betrayal of Yoshitsune, but he seems to be completely beyond her reach. The question of how she might avenge her lord begins to burn once again in her mind, leaving her with little rest. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe senses your disquiet, and knows its cause. She simply continues your training, but one night on the beach, cooking fish over a fire, she says, "You are imagining how you might avenge yourself on Yoritomo." The older woman sighs. "I had similar thoughts, for years. I still do. If I thought there was the slightest chance that I might be able to reach him....I would have died, years ago, either succeeding or failing in the attempt." She looks at you sadly. "But there is no chance. Yoritomo is surrounded by hundreds of warriors, and he is paranoid....for good reason." Tomoe laughs bitterly. "I envisioned schemes by which I might infiltrate his palace...by dressing as a man, or pretending to be a courtesan, or even allowing myself to be captured, with the intention of freeing myself just long enough to get one leap at his throat when he came to gloat over me...." She shakes her head. "Foolishness. Ploys like that work in fairy tales, but not in reality." That brings a flush to your cheeks, since she fairly accurately described your plan to confront Fujiwara Kazumaru, three years ago. Of course, your plan DID work, in a way. Tomoe stares at the fire for a long time. And you are shocked, when you realize that her cheeks are stained with tears. In over three years, you've never seen your sensei cry. "Yoshinaka bade me to flee. I would have died by his side, but he commanded me to save myself...and...and...." She chokes. <><><><><> Katsumi moves to sit beside Tomoe, putting her arms around the older woman and attempting to ease the pain that seems to so closely echo her own. "And what, Tomoe?" she gently urges. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe is tense, when you put your arms around her. She has never been one to show her emotions readily, and you know breaking down like this, in front of her student, must be very hard on her. "I..." she looks down. "I was carrying Yoshi's child at the time." She will not say anything more. She lets you hold her a while longer, but then pats your hand and stands, and puts out the fire. Her imperturbable mask is back in place, and you sense that all the questions you still have, will forever remain unanswered...at least by Tomoe. <><><><><> "Oh, Tomoe," breathes Katsumi. She watches bleakly as her only friend puts out the fire and leaves, only now aware of the terrible burden that the older woman carries. She wishes that there was something that she could say or do, but even after all this time, Tomoe will not allow her to get close. Katsumi remains on the beach for some time, sitting beside the dying embers of the fire and looking out over the sea, weighing the demands of honor against those of compassion. She knows that she will always regret it if she does not seek vengeance for Yoshitsune's death, but she could not live with herself if she left Tomoe the way she had found her - alone. She wonders how other immortals have handled the pain of losing children. Seeing them die before their time or being forced to give them up must be terrible for any parent, but how much worse would it be to watch them grow old and die, while remaining the same age? Generation after generation of descendants, falling prey to mortality, while you yourself remain unchanged. It is an awful thought, which Katsumi has difficulty ridding herself of. Eventually, she stands and walks back to the makeshift hut that she and Tomoe share. For her friend's sake, she will give up her designs for vengeance. If an opportunity arises, they will seek Yoritomo's death together, but she will not abandon their friendship. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe continues to train you. You are disappointed that your previous rapid progress now seems to be slowing to a halt; when you first began studying under Tomoe, it seemed that every day, you learned something new to improve your skills. Now, months pass in which you don't seem to be getting better at all. Tomoe assures you that this is normal, and you *are* still making progress. "Even I am still learning," she says. And stands you a few feet in front of a tree and says, "Take one large step towards the tree." You obey, and place yourself halfway between the tree and where you were standing before. "Now move to halfway between you and the tree again," Tomoe says. You do, and she makes you repeat this twice more...by which time you are taking very tiny steps. "If you can only move half again as far with every step, how many steps will it take you to reach the tree?" she asks. And surprisingly, she laughs. "That is a lesson a monk once taught me. Although I am adapting it somewhat, and probably not telling it correctly. But the point is, true mastery is never achieved. You simply take as many steps as you can, in your lifetime. You are closer than you were before, but now you will never again see the distance visibly diminish before your eyes. You will only look back, after years and years, and realize that you have moved ever closer." ..... 1195 A.D. You and Tomoe rarely stay in one place for too long; a pair of women warriors is unusual enough that even in seclusion, the locals would eventually take notice, and rumors would spread...and who knows how far they might carry? Your travels have brought you to Awazu, and lack of money has compelled you to seek employment once again with a merchant, a very wealthy one, who fears that his silk and pinewood shipment may be set upon by bandits, between the port and the small inland town of Senkawa. You have been concerned about Tomoe lately. Though she tries to hide it, she has been losing weight, and her face appears hollow. Returning to Awazu compounds the problem; you regret coming here almost immediately, as the place clearly brings back memories for Tomoe. As usual, though you are her dearest friend, she will not share her sorrow with you, but keeps all her pain locked inside. She has been even more meloncholy and taciturn than usual, and you plan to urge that the two of you move on as soon as this job is over. Riding horses alongside the baggage train, of ponies burdened with bundles of wood and heavy boxes, you and Tomoe are two of the eight guards the merchant hired, and the only two who are from warrior families. The rest are mere peasant warriors, with spears and shortswords. All of you wear hara-ate and jackets with armored sleeves; only you and Tomoe have helmets and shin-guards. You feel shabby in such poor equipment, and long for the colorful, gaily-decorated armor you wore while traveling with Yoshitsune. As you make your way along a road leading from the coast, through the woods, a whistling sound is punctuated by a cry, and one of the bushi in the lead stumbles and falls, with an arrow in his chest. <><><><><> Every time she now looks at Tomoe, Katsumi is forcibly reminded of her shortcomings as a friend to the warrior. Tomoe's repressed pain, anger, and sorrow now seem to be literally consuming her from within, and Katsumi has been able to do nothing to prevent it, despite her increasingly desperate efforts to get Tomoe to open up to her. She fears not only for her friend's health, but for her spirit. Before the bushi hits the ground, Katsumi's katana is in her hand, and she scans the trees for any sign of their attackers. She and Tomoe had developed their strategy for dealing with such an ambush nearly six years ago. The first of them to spot the archers (which was almost invariably Tomoe) would lead two of the lesser warriors into the woods to flush them out, while the other would remain with the baggage train and organize the defense there. This plan had served them well in the past, although recently Katsumi has become very reluctant to let Tomoe out her sight. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe is already galloping into the woods, with two of the bushi following her. An arrow flies towards her, but she knocks it aside with her sword. Fortunately, your ambushers are not all archers. From the woods on the opposite side of the road, half a dozen brigands in patch-work armor, carrying swords and spears, come swooping down on the baggage train. The three men who stayed back with you heft their spears and prepare to meet the brigands. Your employer's nephew, given the task of accompanying the goods, along with several helpers, cowers by his horse and looks up at you. "What are you waiting for?!" he screeches. "Kill them!" From the woods where Tomoe went, you hear a scream, and then more yelling. <><><><><> Contemptuously ignoring the merchant's nephew, Katsumi spurs her horse forward with a war cry, intending to blunt the brigands' momentum with a charge through their ranks, and then force them to divide their attention between herself and the other guards. As she charges past, she attempts to cut down any bandits within reach. Such men often have poor morale when faced with fierce opposition, and Katsumi intends to break it as quickly as possible. <><><><><> [GM] You gallop into the midst of the brigands, and cleave one man's head open. Behind you, your "troops" charge after, one man skewering a brigand with his spear, another crying out after his target parries his thrust and slashes his face. The brigands scatter before your horse, and only one man stays on his feet and manages to launch a counterattack at you. You deflect the spear thrust at your face, and chop into the man's shoulder, sending him to his knees with blood spraying. An arrow flies over your head while you spin your horse around to find more targets. One more bushi guard is lying motionless on the ground, but they've taken out two brigands, and the other two are backing away....but behind them, four more are coming from the woods in another wave. A very small wave. Obviously, they have no one competent leading them, as their tactics are pitiful. Tomoe still hasn't emerged from the other section of woods. How many bandits might be hiding there? <><><><><> Katsumi spins her horse around, charging once again, this time through the two retreating brigands and into the next wave. Sword flashing, she lays about her, attempting to break this attack quickly so that she can find out what has happened to Tomoe and the other guards. Tomoe has never been absent this long before, and there is a growing feeling of dread in Katsumi's stomach. <><><><><> [GM] You ride down one of the brigands, and slice the other one's arm off at the shoulder, while your two remaining spear-carriers stab the man on the ground that your horse just trampled. The next wave is already losing heart, but at least one man facing you actually knows how to use the sword he's holding (fortunately, they don't have a competent spearman among them; those spears would be more worrisome to you, mounted on your horse, if they had enough sense to use them against you in a concerted fashion). While you're busy parrying his sweep at your waist, you see another man circling around the melee to stand slightly up the slope from you, and raise a bow. You aren't fast enough to dodge, and the man trying to cut you off your saddle is keeping your sword busy; following his second attack, you parry and slice the top of his skull off...then an arrow snaps crisply through your armor and sinks deeply into your chest, just below your shoulder. You feel a sharp pain running all the way through you, and the impact rocks you back in your saddle and almost makes you fall off. <><><><><> Clenching her teeth against the pain, Katsumi forces herself upright in her saddle, knowing that if she gives the brigands a chance to regroup, they will pull her down like a pack of feral dogs. She spurs her horse forward, attempting to clear the group of bandits around her, and galloping toward the archer. If she is very lucky, she might be able to reach him before he can release another shaft. <><><><><> [GM] One bandit thrusts at you with your spear as you pass by. You deflect it with a swing of your sword, and feel the point scrape off your armor. The archer desperately draws another arrow and fires it with barely a moment to aim. But the arrow flies true. You're too slow a second time, and the point sticks into your chest, dead-center, penetrating your armor and piercing your sternum. It doesn't go as deep as the first shaft, which is fortunate, because you're barely conscious now. The archer drops his bow and turns to run, back towards the trees, looking over his shoulder fearfully as you ride him down. Your sword swoops down at his neck, and at the last second, he throws himself to the ground...causing you to almost topple from your saddle as you overreach. You slide half-off, and your horse slows to a trot. Both your arms are going numb. The archer stands, and then screams as a spear goes through him. The bushi clutching it shakes him, like a fish, until the man slides free, gaping silently with a mouth full of blood and clutching the bubbling hole in his stomach. The peasant spearman kicks the mortally-wounded bandit over, then stomps on his face, then runs to where you are half- falling from your horse. "The rest are dead, Takeda-San," he says, reaching for you. "Please, let me help you off your horse." <><><><><> Katsumi's sword drops from nerveless fingers, and she allows herself to be lowered to the ground. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, she stares up at the bushi with unnaturally bright eyes, and gasps, "Leave me. The others...there may have been more brigands in the other woods. Go find the others - take my horse." Her voice is weak, but she puts as much authority into the command as she is able. She grimly fights to hold onto consciousness, hoping that her wounds are not immediately fatal, and that she has a chance to recover before death claims her yet again. She must know what has happened to Tomoe and the other bushi. If she feels strong enough to do so before news of Tomoe comes, Katsumi grasps the shaft of each arrow with both hands, and pulls it out with a strangled scream. <><><><><> [GM] The arrows hurt a great deal, but neither wound is lethal, though you could easily bleed to death, or die later. At least, you could if you were mortal. You grab the first arrow, and pull. The pain is excrutiating, but you could manage it...except that you black out first. You don't think you've been out for long. You still feel a pain in your chest, when you open your eyes and see a welcome sight...Tomoe, leaning over you. Her face is pale and haggard, but she smiles slightly when she sees you're reviving. "Just lie still, dear," she murmurs. She's kneeling next to you on the ground, and looks up and says in a loud voice, "The wounds are not as severe as they seemed. I will need help in a moment, lifting her onto her horse." Why would she need help lifting you onto your horse? Tomoe is as strong as any two of those peasants. Tomoe looks back down at you, and you realize she stripped off your armor, and has your blouse open, applying bandages. Or she was. She lifts one bloody strip of cloth, and whispers "Incredible! Katsumi, I can *see* the wounds closing!" She smiles thinly, as she finishes binding your rapidly disappearing wounds. "Can you pretend to be wounded? You should probably be barely capable of sitting upright in your horse." <><><><><> Katsumi's relief at seeing Tomoe is obvious, and she nods slightly in response to her friend's question. Still, she is concerned at Tomoe's pallor, and her request for aid is uncharacteristic. Lifting her head slightly, Katsumi looks her friend over, attempting to see if she has been wounded. "Are you all right, Tomoe?" she asks softly, her concern audible. <><><><><> [GM] "I'm fine," Tomoe answers. Which you know is not true. But, she doesn't appear to be wounded. As she lifts you to your feet, you're struck by how frail she seems, compared to her old self. She bears your weight, as you put an arm around her shoulders, but you feel compelled to support yourself more than you probably should if you want to put on a credible show for the others. Tomoe is not well. She even seems to be breathing a little too heavily after she and one of the bushi carefully lift you onto your horse. The peasant fighters are quite concerned for you, but leave it to Tomoe to take care of you, as it's not their place. They strip the dead bandits of weapons, and leave them by the side of the road, loading their own fallen comrades onto the baggage train, and you continue on towards Senkawa. Tomoe rides next to you, still watching the road and the woods on either side alertly. <><><><><> Yagate shinu keshiki wa miezu semi no koe In the cicada's cry there's no sign that can foretell how soon it must die. -Matsuo Basho As Tomoe helps her to her feet, Katsumi is appalled at the changes in her friend, and she is deeply ashamed that he had not previously realized their extent. She had known that something was wrong, but not how serious it was. With Tomoe's assistance, Katsumi stumbles to her horse, then slumps slightly forward in her saddle after she is helped up onto it. After the group has begun moving once again, and the others have moved sufficiently far away, she looks surreptitiously over at her friend. "Tonight," she says softly, "we need to talk." Her tone is gentle, but it is clear that she will not be put off. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe looks at you, impassively, then slumps slightly herself, and nods. In Senkawa, the merchant pays you all for your services, offering no particular thanks for stopping the bandits, or condolences for your injuries and casualties. But you expect no more from a merchant, and this is what he hired you for, after all. Tomoe doesn't speak much as you acquire accomodations for the night, and pay a small piece of silver for a hot bath for both of you. You watch her more carefully, and now realize how pained many of her movements are. But on reflection, you really don't think you are only now noticing something that was there all along; she's just not hiding it as much any more. For Tomoe to betray any pain at all, just in emerging from the hot water, and getting dressed, could only mean two things; first, that she really does trust you, as a fox could be gnawing on her innards before she'd show the least bit of discomfort to anyone else, and secondly, that the actual pain she's feeling, even to let you see it, must be intense. Kneeling on the floor in a private room, which you insisted on, despite the expense, she sips her tea opposite you, and wrapped in her usual casual garb, with sword at her side, her calm, undisturbed demeanor is once more in place. <><><><><> Katsumi silently regards her friend for several minutes. Unlike Tomoe, she is obviously upset, and unhappy. Finally, she sets down her untasted tea and takes a deep breath, steeling herself to say what is in her heart. "We have been traveling together for over six years now, Tomoe. You've been my teacher, and my friend - my only, and dearest, friend." Katsumi looks down at the floor. "I had hoped that I could call myself your friend, as well." "But for all that time, except for one brief moment, you've kept me at a distance. You've never let me try to share your burdens, or your pain." She glances, briefly, back up at Tomoe, her eyes bright. "And now you've been hiding something else from me. I would do anything for you, Tomoe, but you've never let me try." Katsumi fixes her gaze upon the floor again, unwilling to let Tomoe see her tears. "All of this makes me feel that you must have found me a very inadequate friend, and..." Her voice catches, but she forces herself to continue. "And I am very sorry." <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe looks up at you, with surprise and something else registering on her face. Very slowly and gently, she sets down her tea. You notice her hand trembles, just a little, before she lets go of the cup. "Katsumi-chan..." she says in a voice that has suddenly become hoarse. She takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly, then starts again. Her eyes cast downward, she says, "It is I who must apologize." "You have been a very good friend. I could not have asked for a better comrade, and more importantly, you have given me meaning in my life. A purpose to keep living. There was a touch of vanity in my deciding to train you...the thought that you would live forever, remembering me, and carrying my training with you..." She looks up and smiles slightly, then looks back down again. "But, now I am forced to admit...there is one area where you are my superior, and a lesson I have failed to learn from you. We have suffered equally, at the hands of Yoritomo, but I have carried my burden inside all these years. I...I *could not* share my pain with you. However much I..." her voice cracks. "...I love you." You see tears streaking her cheeks, and her voice is almost a whisper. "I never meant to offend you, or suggest that I did not trust you or consider you an adequate friend. I just..." She leans forward, slowly, and presses her forehead to the floor. "Forgive me, Katsumi-San." She sits back up, and regards you with eyes glistening like yours. "I am afraid, there IS nothing you can do for me, though, my friend." She sighs. "I am dying, Katsumi." <><><><><> Katsumi nods slightly, and her reply is a choked whisper. "I know." She reaches forward and takes Tomoe's hands, looking up to meet her gaze. "What do you intend to do?" <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe smiles gently, looking down at your hands clasped over hers. "I intend to fight it as long as I can." She looks back up to meet your gaze. "And when I am no longer strong enough to fight it...which, I think will not be long now-" her expression is sad, but you sense it is more sadness for you than for herself, "-I will die as I lived, with dignity and with my fate entirely in my own hands." She frees one hand, to lay it gently against your cheek. "All these months, that I have felt this sickness eating away at me, I hid it from you because I knew there was nothing either of us could do. And there was no reason to trouble you with worries about my health. Katsumi-chan, you are immortal. You knew from the beginning that I could not stay with you forever. So I tried to give you the best of myself, for as long as possible....though now, I realize that I have only been hurting you more deeply." She bows her head, and repeats in a whisper "Sumimasen....forgive me..." <><><><><> Reaching out, Katsumi gently lifts Tomoe's chin. "You know that I forgive you, Tomoe. How could I not?" Her hand drops back to her side, and she sighs. "I knew that we could not remain together forever, at least in my mind, if not my heart. It's just that I hadn't expected us to part ways this soon, or in this fashion." She looks down for a long moment, then back up at Tomoe. "We have enough money that we do not need to take another job guarding some fat merchant's wares. Is there anywhere that you wish to go, or anyone that you wish to visit?" <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe nods slowly. "I want to go to Kiso. To pay my last respects to Yoshinaka." <><><><><> Katsumi nods, squeezing Tomoe's hand and venturing a small smile. "We will leave in the morning." ..... The next day, she allows Tomoe to set their pace, although she doubts that the warrior will allow herself to be slowed overmuch. After perhaps half an hour, Katsumi looks over at her friend, having decided to venture a rather bold request. "Tomoe," she begins, "I have a favor that I would like to ask of you. If you decide to refuse, I promise that I will not speak of it again." "I know that you do not like talking about your past, and I have no desire to force you to relive painful memories, but it would mean a great deal to me if you would tell me your story." Katsumi's flushed cheeks reveal her embarrassment at the request, and she nervously awaits Tomoe's response. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe looks at you, then looks down. The two of you ride for a short time in silence. When you first met Tomoe, you often thought she wasn't going to answer your questions, because she would wait so long before answering. After six years, you know she simply has a hard time revealing her innermost thoughts, and must prepare by choosing the most neutral way of expressing herself. When she finally speaks, her words are simple, and almost completely devoid of emotion. "There is not much to tell. I was fleeing Yoshitsune's army, and was commanded by Yoshinaka to save myself and our child. So I went into hiding. I disguised myself as a peasant. I gave birth in a remote village, and left the baby with an elderly couple." She pauses, then says, "It was a boy." <><><><><> Katsumi looks down, knowing how difficult it must have been for Tomoe to tell her that, and grateful for the confidence. She is glad to know that Tomoe and Yoshinaka have a son to carry on their line, even though he may never know who his parents were. Yoshitsune was not so fortunate. "Thank you," she says softly. She does not press for any more information, although she is still ashamed of how little she knows of her friend's past. <><><><><> [GM] Tabi ni yande yume wa kareno wo kakemegeru On a journey, ill- and my dreams, on withered fields are wandering still. -Matsuo Basho .......... 1195 A.D. Kiso Either Tomoe is more willing to allow you to see how weak she has become, or, more frightening thought, she can no longer hide it. The trip to Kiso is uneventful, but you watch her worriedly as she winces in pain, every time she mounts and dismounts. She walks with a slight hesitancy you've never seen before, could never have imagined in your indomitable sensei. For the last six years, you have engaged in at least an hour of sword practice, every single morning, without fail. The morning after you arrive in Kiso, Tomoe finishes breakfast, and looks at you with a calm expression, but there is pain in her eyes, and her cheeks flush slightly with embarrassment, as she bows and says, "Forgive me, Katsumi-San. I...I do not feel...able to exercise with you this morning." Her voice is a hoarse whisper, and your throat is choked as well...for Tomoe to say that, must have taken nearly as much out of her as speaking of her lost child. You'd gladly let her lean on you as she walks, but you know she will never allow that...not until she is ready for her final steps. In Kiso, you visit places familiar to Tomoe. "I met Yoshinaka here," she murmurs, in front of a circle of pine trees, just outside an idyllic village. The peasants in the fields look up curiously as two warrior women ride past. At a shrine, she kneels, and writes something on a slip of paper, before lighting it. You kneel behind her, feeling the familiar aura of consecrated ground settling your nerves somewhat. She lays her own memories to rest, while you prepare to lay Tomoe to rest...because you know she does not plan to leave Kiso. <><><><><> On her first morning in Kiso, as on each morning that follows, Katsumi forces herself to go out and practice alone, attacking unseen foes that her blade cannot touch. Each morning, she returns to the inn with red- rimmed eyes. The rest of the time, she remains with Tomoe, treasuring each memory that her friend chooses to share with her. Although it is sometimes difficult, she is careful to allow Tomoe to maintain her dignity, offering aid only when asked, and concealing her sorrow as best she can. And she waits for the moment when Tomoe decides that it is time for her to die. <><><><><> [GM] Wasuraruru Mi wo ba omowazu Chikateshi Hito no inochi no Oshiku mo aru kana It does not matter That I am forgotten But I pity His forsworn life. -Lady Ukon Tomoe's condition continues to deteriorate. It won't be long now. She asks that the two of you leave the town where you are staying. Ostensibly because she prefers the woods, or the beach, but you know it's because she can't stand being seen by peasants and other townsfolk, trudging around weakly. And because she would rather die in a pleasant, secluded spot. One evening, after you've finished building a fire, Tomoe calls softly for you to come sit next to her. Her face is pale, and she can barely keep the pain from her expression, but she remains resolute. Sitting upright, she looks into your eyes and says "I would like to talk about what you intend to do after I am gone. I want to know what your plans are." <><><><><> Katsumi returns Tomoe's gaze, realizing that although she has not consciously thought about it, she has known for some time what she will do. "I will ride to Koromogawa and visit Yoshitsune. And then, when I am able, I will return to Kamakura." She smiles sadly. "Don't worry, Tomoe. I am not about to throw my life away. I just need to see if there is any chance at all to make Yoritomo pay for his acts. I should be safe enough; the only people who may be able to recognize me are my family, and they believe me to be dead." After looking at Tomoe for a long moment, she bows humbly. "I know that I am not going to live forever, Tomoe-sama, but as long as I do, you will never be forgotten. I wish to thank you again for everything you have done for me, and most of all for being my friend." Katsumi straightens, tears streaking her cheeks. "I shall miss you more than I can say." <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe nods. "That is what I was afraid of." She reaches over and takes your hands. "Katsumi," she says softly. "I told you I also dreamed of avenging myself on Yoritomo. That I would willingly have given my life to accomplish that." She squeezes your hands, and you feel her hands trembling slightly. "Please...do not follow that course of action yourself." Her eyes are glistening also, as she says "I am not merely telling you not to throw your life away futilely. I am telling you, not to sacrifice your life even if it WOULD mean slaying Yoritomo!" She takes a deep breath. "I am only human...my days were numbered from the moment I was born. If I cut that span short by a few years, to avenge my lord, it would have been of little consequence." "But YOU, Katsumi...you could live forever! Or if not forever, then at least until Yoritomo is an ancient memory. And you will remember me, and Yoshitsune, and Kiso no Yoshinaka.." she chokes. You see little flecks of blood staining her lips. She sags towards you, and leans against you, sobbing, wracked with pain, and sobbing all the more in frustration at being betrayed like this, by her own body. "I dreamt of glory," she whispers, her cheek pressed against your shoulder. "But worms do not care How you died." Then she laughs, morbidly and painfully. "I hope I can think up a better death poem than that!" <><><><><> As Tomoe sags forward, Katsumi puts her arms around her friend and pulls her close, gently stroking the older woman's hair. She is horrified to think that Tomoe has likely clung to life this long only for her sake. And now she is asking that Katsumi cast aside her duty to avenge Yoshitsune, no matter what the cost. How can she grant such a request? How can she not? "I promise," she whispers, choking. Then, "Your journey is over. At Shide Mountain Kiso waits." "Please, Tomoe," she begs. "Do not let me keep you in this world any longer than you wish." <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe sighs, letting you hold her, unabashedly allowing you to provide the strength that she no longer possesses. "Tomorrow morning," she croaks. "I want to see Amaterasu's face...one more time." She breathes laboriously, and says "Don't let me fall asleep, Katsumi- chan...I am afraid....I would never wake up." And after another few moments, adds "I know what I asked of you is hard....but there are other ways...to serve your lord...and his memory." <><><><><> Uragiku ya Yuhi ni mukai Shibominuru A backyard chrysanthemum Looked at the setting sun And faded. - Kaen Katsumi nods silently, accepting Tomoe's decision. She holds her friend throughout the night, speaking to her of anything that comes to mind: her childhood, Yoshitsune, the cheerfully insane antics of Benkei, the battles against the Taira clan, her death at Koromogawa, her resurrection in an eta graveyard. All the while, she watches carefully to make certain that Tomoe remains awake and alert. Later, she will have to decide how she can bear to live with the promise she has made, but for the moment, her attention is focused completely upon making her friend's last hours as pleasant as possible. She does not welcome the coming of the dawn. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe stays awake, all night, and eventually disengages from you, and sits upright....composing herself, eyes shut and breathing in and out quietly, occasionally smiling or murmuring something in response to your continuous stream of stories. When dawn comes, she opens her eyes and stands, and walks out with all the strength and dignity possessed by the Tomoe of old. She seems as strong and healthy as ever, moving without hesitation, without pain. She asks you to bring her brush and small inkpot, and a piece of paper. She tucks her sword into her belt, and carries a knife in her hand. <><><><><> Sitting back upon her heels, Katsumi watches Tomoe with quiet admiration. Her friend's strength and determination are almost unbelievable. She rises smoothly, donning her swords, and goes to fetch the materials that Tomoe has requested. After taking a moment to compose her appearance, she returns and silently presents the items to the warrior. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe accepts the brush and ink from you solemnly. Her eyes are bright, and her hands are steady. You could almost believe that she was miraculously healed overnight, or that she was never as ill as you believed. But as she wraps herself in a snow-white kimono, you see how frail she remains, how much weight she's lost. The burial garment hangs loosely around her. She takes your hands in hers, and says softly, "Do not grieve for me too long, Katsumi." With a touch of sadness, she adds "If you live as long as you might, you will have to endure many good-byes like this. Do not become as embittered and lonely as I did, with the accumulation of only one lifetime's worth of sorrow." She squeezes your hands. "I love you, Katsumi-chan. Do not be sorry...only bury me, and say a prayer for my spirit so that I may join Yoshi...and someday Yoshitaro. And if you visit my grave centuries hence, do not forget to stop and say hello." She smiles. "Good-bye, my friend." <><><><><> Katsumi gently squeezes Tomoe's hands, and looks at her friend with shining eyes. "I love you as well, Tomoe," she whispers. " You will never be forgotten." Reluctantly, she lets her hands drop to her sides. "Good-bye, sensei." She takes a step back, preparing to take her position behind and to the left of Tomoe. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe looks down at the knife she holds in her hand...the knife which she will thrust into her own throat, in order to exit from this life. Then she pulls her sword slowly from her obi, and hands it to you, in its scabbard. "The knife and the sword were made by the same craftsman," she says. "They were a gift to me from my uncle Narushige, who had no children. He inherited them from his grandfather's clan, who had an ancestor several generations back who was awarded them for his service to the Emperor, in suppressing the Taira rebellion." In that sentence, you've learned more about Tomoe's family than you have in the previous six years. You know that Tomoe's sword is a masterpiece of swordscraft. Even the scabbard, decorated with silver and gold inlays and small precious stones, is a work of art. Tomoe's eyes follow yours over the intricate pattern and she smiles. "This is the original scabbard." She looks at the knife and sighs. "Once I had the matching one that came with the knife, but somewhere along the way, these past many years, it was lost, in one battle or another." She holds the sword out to you again. "I do not know if you will want to take the knife, after I have used it to take my own life. I would never wish to haunt you, of course, but we know the sort of blood-curse such weapons may absorb. So if it troubles you to carry it with you, bury it with me...but please, take the sword." She coughs suddenly, a spasm of pain going through her, the first loss of control she's exhibited since she began preparing herself for these final moments. Then she regains her composure and smiles at you. "I could not give them to my son...to give him some chance to live safely in obscurity, I had to leave no traces of his samurai lineage." Her eyes are infinitely sad, but then brighten slightly as she focuses back on you. "Aside from Yoshitaro, you are the closest kin I have left. Please take it, Katsumi-San." <><><><><> Deeply touched, Katsumi gently accepts the katana. "Domo arigato gozaimasu, sensei," she says softly, bowing. "I shall strive to be worthy of it, and if by some chance I should one day meet Yoshitaro, I will pass it along to him as his birthright." Slowly, she removes Genji's sword from her sash, setting it carefully on the ground beside her, and replaces it with Tomoe's. She fights back tears as she rises, not wishing to mar her friend's final morning with her grief. There will be time enough for that later. Centuries, perhaps. <><><><><> [GM] Tomoe stands still for a moment, as if going over in her own mind whether there is anything left to be said. Apparently there is not; without another word, she kneels in the place she has chosen, and sets her writing materials down, and begins applying brush to paper. You see her hand tremble slightly, and she has to pause, twice, taking a long, slow breath, so as to finish the strokes neatly. When her death-poem is completed, she rolls the paper up and ties it neatly with a small thread, and sets it down on the ground, an arm's- length away....far enough away that it will not be drenched in blood, so that you can retrieve it later. Her back is to you the entire time. She picks up her knife, and holds it with the blade pointed inward. And recites her poem slowly, raising the knife to the level of her throat: "If I fell, glittering Like a snowflake Is it the beauty of my descent Or the spot where I melt That would catch the eye?" A master poet she is not, but you never guessed the ironic bent her mind might take, until these last few nights. It's hard to say whether her poem is morbid, bitter, or poignant.... With the hilt of the knife held firmly in both hands, Tomoe plunges it into her throat. Blood spurts out, staining only a little of that portion of her white kimono which you can see. Her hands stay at her throat, and you hear a soft, almost completely stifled gagging sound. Her shoulders tense, and a shiver goes through her body. You feel your own muscles contract tightly, as you sit silent and motionless, praying for Tomoe's pain to end quickly. Like a shadow rolling across the land where a cloud passes overhead, you see dark red spreading along the sides of her kimono, soaking down to her waist, and spattering onto her knees. She shivers again, and grunts...and then the gleaming point of the knife protrudes out the other side of her throat, sending rivulets of blood pouring down the back of her neck. If she was not weakened by her sickness, she would have thrust the knife all the way through in an instant....but she had to force her treacherous hands to obey her will, and push the blade through slowly, and steadily. She sits upright for another agonizingly long moment. Then you see her sides convulse, as one last breath escapes her, accompanied by a choking spray of blood. She topples forward, merely bending over at the waist so she curls up over her bent knees. A final shudder goes through her, and her body jerks and she almost falls to the side, in a grotesque but mercifully brief death-spasm...and then she lies still. You hear blood slowly trickling out of her, and soaking into the ground around her knees. <><><><><> Remaining still and silent while Tomoe commits seppuku is by far the most difficult thing that Katsumi has ever had to do. She suspects that tearing out her own heart would be less painful. Although she longs to close her eyes and block it out, she forces herself to watch every detail of her friend's death, knowing that it will haunt her sleep for years to come. A despairing cry bursts from her lips as Tomoe crumples forward, and she buries her face in her sleeve, sobbing. Her pain is only made worse by the knowledge that she should be stronger, and not disgrace her sensei's death with her unseemly grief. After several minutes, Katsumi forces herself to stand and slowly walk over to Tomoe's body. She retrieves the warrior's death poem and tucks it inside her kimono, then gently composes her corpse, straightening Tomoe's limbs and pulling the knife from her throat. Her movements are very deliberate and tentative, as though she fears that she may at any moment shatter into hundreds of pieces. Returning to their campsite, she fetches the spade that she had forced herself to buy, and begins to dig. .......... After she has gently laid Tomoe into her grave, Katsumi kneels alongside it for nearly an hour, gazing down at her friend's body. Finally, she presses two fingers to her own lips, and then to Tomoe's, and reaches for the spade once again. She covers the grave with rocks from a nearby stream, and then spends the remainder of the afternoon carving a marker, setting it into place as Amaterasu sinks beneath the horizon. Tears still running down her cheeks, she spends the entire night kneeling beside the humble grave, praying for Tomoe's spirit to be reunited with Yoshinaka and to find peace. Shortly after dawn, she whispers her final farewells, and then collects her possessions and rides back to Kiso. The knife sits in her pack, wrapped in cloth, with Tomoe's lifesblood still coating the blade. Katsumi cannot bear to sell any of Tomoe's possessions, but she cannot travel with two horses, and so she numbly sells her own mount, barely noticing how much she receives for it. And then she rides north, back to Koromogawa. <><><><><> [ ... Yet in her sorrow she went to the beach on Awazu. There she cut the cord, and took off her armor, and quietly laid it by her. Her helmet too she removed, and laid down. Then she dressed in the robe, and hid beneath it the dagger which hitherto she had always paired with her sword. At last, wearing a villager's hat, Tomoe set her face toward Kiso and left this place all alone, lost in weeping. Alas for her bitter regrets! O comfort her in her sorrowful clinging O comfort her in her sorrowful clinging! ... ] -Noh play, "Tomoe"